A Promise for Mrs. Lillie

I was about 8 when I knew I wanted to teach music.

I was about 10 when I knew I wanted to teach elementary music. i had an amazing elementary music teacher.

I was about 19 when I knew I wanted to teach children in poverty.

And I was 28 when thoughts of "can my body handle my profession?" have crossed my mind.

I have often blogged about my job. I am madly in love with it. I love the kids I am teaching every day. I tell people I mostly get to just play all day. We sing, we dance, we play instruments, we have fun. I have had so many kids this year tell me, "Mrs. Lillie, music is so fun!" I work hard to make it fun... So fun they do not know they are learning a huge amount of things about music.

But elementary music is a very physical job. I sit on the floor. I bounce around. I am on my feet most of the day. This is a hard job for someone who deals with constant pain. And I am a crazy music teacher too. I give everything I have to my job. I try my best to give so much love and energy to my kids and my school. I might go a little above and beyond at times (hmm... Almost all school concert at an outside venue in 2 weeks?)

I need to back off. Desperately. But I get so caught up in the love of my job, I forget. Even when my legs are screaming. Even when my back is killing me. I do wonder how much longer I can keep doing this too.

Thinking of quitting my job due to health concerns makes me so sad. Right now, I am going to continue being stubborn and work another year. I will need to alter my work to continue. It is essential I do so to continue.

For the last 20 years, I have identified myself with being a music teacher. It has been a huge part of my identity. I hope I can continue. But, someday much earlier than I ever hoped, I might have to back off. I might have to go part time.

I often get frustrated, and wonder why if God gave me the talents for being a great teacher, why I would have to be consider quitting. Most of use know the verse of Jeremiah 29:

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Eternal, "plans for peace, not evil,mot,give you a future and hope - never forget that. At that time, you will call out for Me, and I will hear. You will pray, and I will listen." - Jeremiah 29:11-12

These are pretty words. Beautiful words. But... What is the story behind these words? Especially behind Jeremiah 29. Israel has rebelled against God. God said, "you don't need to ally with other nations... Rest in me." Israel says, "uh, we are scared! We need to rest in the alliances of other nations!" God then basically says, "hmm... Try that out. Let's see how it goes."

It does not go well.

The people of Israel are conquered, and taken into exile from their home land. They are taken away from their safety. From everything they know. Taken away from their home. From their identity. God says, "Now is the time for Me to bring hardship on them, so they may be found." (Jeremiah 10:18).

Chapter 29 is Jeremiah's letter of hope to the people. But he also does not sugar coat it. He tells them to "Build houses - make homes for your families because you are not coming back to Judah anytime soon. Plant gardens and eat the food you grow there." (Jer 29:5). But there is still hope of God's promise. A promise that God has not forgotten them. Jeremiah knows that one day God will store His people to the land of promise.

"You will look for me intently, and you will find Me. Yes, I will be found by you." Says the Eternal. "I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations where you've been scattered... I will bring you back to the land that is your rightful home." - Jeremiah 29:13-14

Sometimes I feel like I am in a land of exile... Like I am living in an old lady's body, unable to do the things most 28 year olds take for granted. I am really not sure what God's promise and treasure for my life is. It might be stripping of my music teacher identity, so I can "be found." It might not be. But I am thankful that God's promise for me is that His plans for me are good. And He hears when my tears fall at night, and He hears me call put to Him. I might have to live in this land for awhile, and eat the food here, but I know some how, some way, God has promised that His plans a good.

So today I am still Mrs. Lillie, music teacher. And I will try to live in this land in peace, resting in His promise for me.

Tattoo design

Read about my previous tattoo post here

Today we had an awesome sermon about how God understands us, he loves us and he feels every tear we cry. Jesus came to earth and felt the pain and sorrows of a human, but God the father is one with his son, so God also understands our sorrows. But His love encircles us.

Before I left for church today, I read a devotion by my favorite devotion author, Angie Smith from Mended: Pieces of a Life Made Whole. She was talking about the sparrows, and the verse how God cares for the sparrow, so how much more does he care for us? She was reading about sparrows, and learned:

"This particular bird cannot learn to sing in the daylight because it is always concerned with the chatter around it. Instead, it's cage must be covered so that it is in complete darkness. The , it is able to hear its master and will learn to sing.... And in that place of feeling left alone, unwanted, disregarded, abandoned, He whispered to my weary soul. Sing, love." (Devotion: He Loves You)

So, now, this is my tattoo design. Symbols of God's love wrapped around me, and joining together all the parts of God the Father, God the Son, God the spirit. Symbols of singing in the darkest times (3 birds, 3 surgeries). Symbols of the hope I found through patient endurance.

So, my tattoo design.