healing

Since surgery I have been working hard healing. It has been a very productive time. When mostly all I can do is lay on the couch or in bed, I have a lot of time to get things done. Here is my "Post-Op Accomplishment List"

• I have read Sarah's Key, Something Blue, and Bossypants. Bossypants was my favorite by far and I often truly laughed out out MANY times. Highly recommend.
• Watched Season 1 of Modern Family
• Watched half of Season 2 of Modern Family
• Watched half of Season 6 of How I Met Your Mother
• Watched a few movies, including Titanic, Meet Me in Saint Louis, Star Trek (that one was B's choice)
• Discovered pinterest, and have decided on my style for various rooms in our future house, teaching ideas, and wall decorations
• Consumed quite a bit of pharmaceuticals
• Eaten and frozen a massive amount of food from our friends

I have another 2 weeks off work, so I am sure I will get much more accomplished. Next week, my plan is to master Rock Band guitar, and today starts the Lilliehouse Thanksgiving Tradition of a 3 day marathon of all the Lord of the Rings extended edition movies. Yup, we're cool like that.

Overall, healing has been quite a bit slower than I expected. I have gone through many times of feeling pretty down, but have been hanging in okay. I still have a lot of numbness and some nerve problems when I am standing, but am thankful I can be somewhat comfortable while laying down. The neurosurgery nurse told me that hopefully by about day 14, things should be much more calm with everything.

We also took off the bandage today... a nice little picture of my new, cute tramp stamp. I can't wait to show it off over the top of my cute low rise jeans.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him out of all." - Psalm 34:18-19

surgery!

I am home recovering now! Yay! I have a very numb leg and pain that gets pretty intesne in that leg, but they said that is all understandable due to the digging they did in the nerves.

A couple pics from the last days.

Before surgery with all my IVs and wires.

After... not quite as peppy

Doing stairs with the physical therapist. I've mastered my old lady walk

I'm home! And looking gorgeous by the way.

a cake to cut

My birthday is on Wednesday, but we celebrated tonight due to crazy schedules the rest of the week. My wonderful husband made me this cake last year, due to my recent back injury and all the meds I had been given to try and fix me.

This year, I am pretty sure he topped it. 16 days until surgery!

I think we need to stop watching Cake Boss at the Lillie house.

Counting down...

We are continuing to be patient in God's timing and trying to remain hopeful for success from surgery. Pain levels have been horrid lately, and we are counting down days... and today Bryson suggested I make a paper chain. So, in the spirit of counting down, we have 17 days! Excited to rip off a chain link tomorrow.

...there is a season

This weekend has been rough. (For the record, ultimate pin blaster is not a good game to play with 1st graders for one with a bad back!) I was wishing this weekend that I had decided to go for an earlier surgery date. While I want so badly to have the surgery soon and hopefully find some relief from pain, I feel the need to be around for some things in the next few weeks. I felt very torn about waiting all the way to the middle of November to try and find some relief, but be able to finish some things out opposed to taking the first available appointment. I know that God's timing is perfect though. These verses were comforts to me this evening.

"This vision is for a future time.

It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.

If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,

For it will surely take place.

It will not be delayed."

-Habakkuk 2:3

"At just the right time I will respond to you. On the day of salvation I will help you. I will protect you and give you to the people as my covenant with them. Through you I will reestablish the land of Israel and assign it to its own people again." - Isaiah 49:8

Parts of the book of Isaiah were written during a time of huge struggle for the people of Israel. They had just been conquered by the Assyrians. They had been forced to live in a way that was unfamiliar to them. They longed for the peace and familiarity they were used to. If the Israelites were anything like me, they wanted to return to their times of peace and healing NOW. But God didn't solve their problems right away. The Lord did promise that the time when they would return to their land would come. And God kept that promise. Even though it wasn't in the same timing of the Israelites. We have to trust that God will keep His promises to us. He hears us when we cry out to Him. He lifts us out of our sorrows and sadnesses. He will steady our feet as we walk.

I want surgery now. Actually, if I was honest, I wanted healing without surgery about 16 months ago! Yet, for a reason unknown to me, this was not God's timing. I have to trust that His timing is perfect and that He will answer my prayers.

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,

and he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the pit of despair,

Out of the mud and mire.

He set my feet on solid ground

and steadied me as I walked around."

-Psalm 40:1-2

reality check

I know often I post about my health. This is an everyday reality for me, but today I was given a little reality check.

A lot of times I get so frustrated when others complain about their little ailments. When someone tells me "Oh, my back is hurting a little today, I must have a stiff muscle" I get SUPER resentful and want to scream "Oh yeah? I DON'T CARE." Or when someone tells me they are tired (I do give a break to those with kids :)...), I want to tell them, "Yeah? Were your comps and thesis due last week? And you spent 30+ hours working on them, plus working your two jobs? While you were in intense physical pain the whole time???" I have noticed my empathy has been completely lacking the last few months.

Tonight I read a CarePages blog of a childhood friend I have, who's 7 year old son has leukemia. What a reality check. Who am I to be non-empathetic? Who am I to get upset? How selfish I have been. I should be loving, caring and compassionate, not holding my problems above everyone else. Thankfully, Christ is the model for love and compassion when my selfishness gets in the way.

We sang this song at church today, and I was in tears. I will end the blog with a quote from this song:

He is jealous for me

Love's like a hurricane I am the tree

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and glory.

When all of a sudden

I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful you are

And how great your affections are for me.

And Oh, how He loves us so.

Oh, how He loves us,

How he loves us so.

Did you know September is Chronic Pain Awareness month? I found this on the American Chronic Pain Association website today.

Ten Steps

Ten Steps from Patient to Person

Making the journey from patient to person takes time. The isolation and fear that can overwhelm a person with chronic pain grows over time. And the return to a fuller, more rewarding life also takes time.

It’s a journey with many phases. The ACPA describes these phases as Ten Steps.

The ACPA’s Ten Steps For Moving From Patient To Person.

STEP 1: Accept the Pain
Learn all you can about your physical condition. Understand that there may be no current cure and accept that you will need to deal with the fact of pain in your life.

STEP 2: Get Involved
Take an active role in your own recovery. Follow your doctor's advice and ask what you can do to move from a passive role into one of partnership in your own health care.

STEP 3: Learn to Set Priorities
Look beyond your pain to the things that are important in your life. List the things that you would like to do. Setting priorities can help you find a starting point to lead you back into a more active life.

STEP 4: Set Realistic Goals
We all walk before we run. Set goals that are within your power to accomplish or break a larger goal down into manageable steps. And take time to enjoy your successes.

STEP 5: Know Your Basic Rights
We all have basic rights. Among these are the right to be treated with respect, to say no without guilt, to do less than humanly possible, to make mistakes, and to not need to justify your decisions, with words or pain.

STEP 6: Recognize Emotions
Our bodies and minds are one. Emotions directly affect physical well being. By acknowledging and dealing with your feelings, you can reduce stress and decrease the pain you feel.

STEP 7: Learn to Relax
Pain increases in times of stress. Relaxation exercises are one way of reclaiming control of your body. Deep breathing, visualization, and other relaxation techniques can help you to better manage the pain you live with.

STEP 8: Exercise
Most people with chronic pain fear exercise. But unused muscles feel more pain than toned flexible ones. With your doctor, identify a modest exercise program that you can do safely. As you build strength, your pain can decrease. You'll feel better about yourself, too.

STEP 9: See the Total Picture
As you learn to set priorities, reach goals, assert your basic rights, deal with your feelings, relax, and regain control of your body, you will see that pain does not need to be the center of your life. You can choose to focus on your abilities, not your disabilities. You will grow stronger in your belief that you can live a normal life in spite of chronic pain.

STEP 10: Reach Out
It is estimated that one person in three suffers with some form of chronic pain. Once you have begun to find ways to manage your chronic pain problem, reach out and share what you know. Living with chronic pain is an ongoing learning experience. We all support and learn from each other.