This is what I see as Husband is playing softball. I watch the ball fly, and i get excited that he might get a good base hit, but then I hear a scream. I look down and Husband is rolling in the dirt grabbing his leg and screaming. Fear grips my heart as I run to the field. I think he might have hit himself with the bat. But he says his knee buckled, and is not in the right place. So I run to the car as some guys help him hobble off the field. I bring the car through the gate and he gets in the back seat... In agonizing pain. I drive safely but quickly to the ER.
3 hours in the ER. Dislocated knee. Possible ligament tear. A bone chip floating in his knee.
When they finally are about to discharge us, my tears come from fear held in and worry and love for Husband.
When we get back to my parents' house, I help him get undressed. I help him step into the shower. I help him reach behind him to get the shampoo. I dry him off. I get his knee brace back fastened, and get the water for his meds. He looks at me and asks, "How did you do this three times, after three surgeries?" I just shrug my shoulders, but in my mind I am thinking the same thing, "how did you handle caring for me so closely and doing everything for me after three surgeries, and every time I have a bad pain day?"
The last few days have been an eye opener for both of us. Husband has been needing lots of help with small tasks, and I am the care giver. Care giving is a lot of physical labor, which at times has been hard for my body with my pain problems. And some things needed to be done today. With the end of school and meetings every night this week for Husband, housework fell behind. Husband always does food shopping and cleaning on Fridays. It fell to me this week. The dishes in the sink were awful... They had to be washed (it was getting to where health service might need to come in...) Laundry needed to be folded and put away, unless we were going to wear that pair of underpants a third time (kidding...) The lawn needed to be mowed (don't worry I did not do this one... Hoping for the neighborhood boys to come by again soon...). Wow... He does so much of the labor I have a hard time doing. As I am lying here with my stim cranked and considering stealing one of Husband's new good stuff, I am so thankful he works so hard to keep our house running when I can't.
And then I also get to play the care giver role of "please stop walking up the stairs with laundry in your hand while you have a bum knee" and "you have to elevate it!" And "please let me get your stuff for bedtime under the sink for you, don't do it yourself!" I now know how frustrating it is when your "patient" tries to do things they really shouldn't do. I am pretty sure that even after 2 days, Husband also understands how frustrating it is to NOT be able to do things you want to do and how frustrating it is to sit on the couch all day.
We have both been given in the last two days a big eye opener into the other's world. Husband is hating side effects of medicines (familiar to me) and I am about to duct tape his butt to the couch (I know he has been there with me!).
I am so thankful for our teamwork we have and how we support each other so much on a regular basis. For couples dealing with chronic pain, divorce is a common occurrence. Chronic pain is a huge strain on a marriage. And while many people tell us what an amazing couple we are, it is not all roses and rainbows in the way chronic pain affects our marriage. We have times where it is super hard for us. Husband is super supportive of my needs with assistance on things like grocery shopping and cleaning the house. But I know it gets to be hard on him, just like it has been for me this weekend. But we try hard to keep communicating and laugh together... And sometimes cry together too.
This was one of the verses at our wedding that our pastor gave his wedding homily on.
A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. (Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT)
I am super thankful that even when the times are hard, we got each others backs so we can conquer. I am even more thankful for the presence of God in our marriage... Our triple braided cord will not be easily broken! And, we also have so much support from family and friends. So really, we almost have a quadrupole cord! (But I won't let all our friends and family into that bedroom where I threw all the clean laundry).
Husband's diagnosis is a little scary. He will have MRIs next week and some follow up appointments. Surgery is still a possibility depending on the bone chip and where it came from. But in the orthopedic doctor's office, they took the knee from this
Back to this
Look ma, no cane!
I am 99% sure this will not be the last time I have to be a care giver for Husband. I know there will probably be more times we get to reverse roles and completely appreciate what the other person goes through on a daily basis. But I am super thankful that we have each other's back and we have a triple cord, no matter what comes our way!
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