Show Me

Today, I discovered Audrey Assad on a friend's Facebook page. Her song writing is the best I have heard in so long. The song that I have fallen in love with is called Show Me. Audrey describes this song as a song of redemptive suffering.

"It's about not wanting God to take away the pain just yet because I know it's worth something," she said. "And I have something to learn so just leave me here for right now, but be with me."

I don't have much else to say about the song that I haven't expressed in previous blogs, but it really spoke to me today. After my injection I had a really bad couple days, but that is been followed by a good couple days. I have no idea what the path for healing holds in store for me, but as I do continue to pray for healing, I pray harder for God to be here with me through it all.

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me

Exodus 17:8-13

The Amalekites came and attacked the Israelites at Rephidim. Moses said to Joshua, "Choose some of our men and go out to fight the Amalekites. Tomorrow I will stand on top of the hill with the staff of God in my hands."

So Joshua found the Amalekites as Moses had ordered, and Moses, Aaron and Hur went to the top of the hill. As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever hie lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning. When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up - one on one side, one on the other - so that his hands remained stead till sunset. So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword.

Much thanks to all who are holding up my hands through this battle!

Not much optimism

I told a friend the other day that I only try to blog my optimistic thoughts. The pessimistic thoughts come all too often without me holding on to them over the blogisphere. She told me to blog the bad stuff too, because God is in that as well. So today, a not as chipper post.

Not feeling overly optimistic today. My head is spinning a little from the research I am doing for my thesis. Sometimes I really feel like I am probably way off on my theories I am putting forth. Am I reading the research studies right? Am I really making good comparisons? Do I have any idea what I am talking about? I'm feeling pretty jealous of all my teaching buddies who are having great summers hanging with their kids and going on great trips while I sit at home and work my tail off. Any time I do get to go out, I can only handle an hour or two before I am hurting too much. I am sure it will be worth it when I have a copy of thesis in hand, but I would really like to get to play for a couple days too without being in pain. Today I am really struggling with it all being well with my soul.

Mark 9:24 - "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!"

The plans...

Today I read a blog of one of my friends from high school. Heather was a good friend of mine when I was a freshman in high school and she was a senior. Her post today was about their search for a new home, and it reminded me about God's plan for our lives. Our plans most likely don't always match up with God's plans. Let's just say, my plan doesn't really mirror my reality these days. I didn't think that at 26 years old a coffee date with a friend would make me have to go lie down and take some meds. However, as I was rolled into my second MRI machine of the year this morning, I could feel God's presence calming me and letting me know that though my plans don't match up with His right now, he is holding me through this trial. I don't know why God has this plan for me right now, but I do know that I am learning the meaning of great line of the old hymn, "Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, It is well, it is well with my soul."

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me." - Jeremiah 29:11-13