new hope

Do not forget to rejoice, for hope is always just around the corner. Hold up through the hard times that are coming, and devote yourselves to prayer. - Romans 12:12


Yesterday I talked to my surgeon in Missouri. And we went to see a surgeon in Boulder. Both of these surgeons agreed that I do not need more back surgery right now! PRAISE the LORD!

But...

The surgeon in Colorado is concerned that with all my neuropathy and problems in my foot, I might have Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy Syndrome, or RSD. This is a fairly serious disorder, and needs to be taken care of pretty quickly if I do indeed have it (Missouri surgeon was not convinced this was my main problem, but is open to exploring it). I am still trying to figure out what this disorder means, but it is not "cureable." It can go in remission, but won't be ever all better if I do have it. So tomorrow I start more physical therapy, and will have another EMG. Both surgeons did agree that exploring the spinal cord stimulator is a likely next step if things do not improve.

This has been quite a journey, and while it is not even close to over yet, today I am seeing and feeling some hope. Hope is such a tricky thing. Many people have said to me in the last month, "I have hope for you!" If it's someone I don't know too well, I've said "Thank you." If it is someone I know well, I tell them, "I am glad you do, because mine is completely gone." Saying that I had lost hope, I was concerned that not having hope for physical healing was turning my back on God. I am not sure that was it. I think it was more just not able to find acceptance of God's answer of "No" to my physical healing. Man, finding acceptance on God's plan for your life is HARD when it no where near matches what YOUR plan for your life is. Now, having a battery operated device implanted in my spine and having a possible non-curable disease in my leg is still not any where near where my plan for my life was. But I am feeling hope, hope that God hears my prayers for healing (though it might not be what I thought it was going to be), hope that someone might be able to help, hope that I can continue with Christ by my side through this journey.

I hope that this day, this week, you find some hope in what journey you are going through too.

So we have no reason to despair. Despite the fact that our outer humanity is falling apart and decaying, our inner humanity is breathing in new life every day. You see, the short lived pains of this life are creating for us an eternal glory that does not compare to anything we know here. So we do not set our sights on the things we can see with our eyes. All of that is fleeting, it will eventually fade away. Instead, we focus on the things we cannot seem which live on and on. - 2 Corinthians 4:16-18