I have always been a big "do it myself" person. I bashfully admit that I loved the Independent Women song by Destiny's Child when I was in middle school. And I rock out hard to Run the World (Girls) by Beyonce in my car often... "Strong enough to bear your children, then get back to business!"
In high school, I was in a choir that started practice at 6:30 in the morning. So I had to get up and get ready to leave by about 6:05. I remember my mom commenting on how great it was that I was able to get myself up and get out without her helping. It was not the same for my brothers. I hate group projects, and would rather just do the work on my own. I have taken the assemblies at my school, and work with various groups of kids by myself to get them all ready on my plan time. If I need something moved, I don't wait to ask for a janitor, I do it myself. (The janitor at my old school used to get SO mad at me and threaten to call my husband when I would be moving risers down the hall!) I don't mind any of this one bit. I am a very take charge, get it done person.
And then there is the after surgery time.
My principal has already commented to me, "After this, when you come back to work, you are going to have to be good. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LET PEOPLE HELP YOU!" I told her, "Man, I've only been working here 3 months, and you already really know me!"
I am not allowed to lift ANYTHING. I can't bend at ALL. I am not even allowed to lift my hands over my head to get a juice glass. The last few surgeries, this has been hard. I would drop a pill, and start bawling that I couldn't get it on my own. My hubby would almost be laughing at me, and would pick up the pill. But man, it drives me CRAZY to be so not independent. (I did eventually learn how to put on my underpants with one of those grabbers like old people have. It was my fight for independence. Grabber underpants.)
Now, I am about to enter a time of more non-independence. I will really have to rely on others. My husband is so amazing with this, and he is so great at taking care of me in these moments of weakness.
I am nervous because the hubby will be gone for a business trip for a week at about the 5 week mark after surgery. I will still have lots of restrictions. No arms above my head... how will I get dressed? Wash my hair? Comb my hair? Get breakfast? Get all my things into the car? It is going to be rough, and it makes me feel very weak and volunerable.
I think this is also where I struggle a lot in my faith. I want to take charge of my life. I want to be independent some times, and not rely on God to take care of my struggles. I am strong, I can handle them, RIGHT? Wrong. I have been so down the last few days, and have felt so weak emotionally, mentally and physically. This is how we are as humans. We are not strong enough to do it on our own. We MUST rely on God's strength and grace to get us through. We are volunterable people. In my realization of "How am I going to wash my hair when Bryson is gone?" it really illustrates to me how we can't do life on our own. We need a family of faith to surround us and God's never failing grace to pull us through.
I think I have the hair washing stuff maybe figured out (a stuffed plastic glove on a stick? Ha!). But I don't always have the reliance on God figured out. I am so thankful that he keeps whispering to me, "I'm here Sarah. Let me have your troubles. Fall at my feet and I will take care of your every need." Thank you God for your amazing grace.
Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
By 5 weeks you will be able to do what you need to do in the manner you need to do it without hurting yourself. I wash and brush my hair by myself and have ever since I could get in the shower after paddle lead surgery (day 5 when the pain ball was removed). You have to adapt by get your hair wet via shower and not using hands to get it wet. In my case I bent my face forward (toward bottom of tub) instead of backward (toward ceiling) the way I normally would. By doing it this way you can put the shampoo (I used joint shampoo conditioner to minimize the number of times I hands had to be up near head) on your hands, spread around head without raising your hands over your head. Imagine fingers near the your temples - that was my demarcation line. I tried to not go above that and I did it with arms near torso, hands toward temple. You can't shampoo as effectively as normal but effectively enough to have clean hair. Then I let the water rinse my hair long time before using clean hand to make sure shampoo was out. I also (gasp) didn't wear underwear for first week or 10 days after surgery - I wore yoga pants and they were wonderful about not pressing on the incisions or gowns. The first time I dressed myself after surgery I cried from the pain but a week later it was no big deal. I would sit on toilet after shower and put on my yoga pants by balling up the leg to the waisthand, sticking my foot inside and standing up to pull both up to waistband. Brushing teeth was one of the most difficult things I did because you just want to bend over the sink and you can't. You are going to be great!
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