There and back again... A goon tale

“There is nothing like looking, if you want to find something. You certainly usually find something, if you look, but it is not always quite the something you were after.” -J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

Recovery from my SCS surgery is "officially" over. It has been a little over 6 weeks, the time they say it takes for your leads to scar in. I can technically bend, lift, and twist all I want (though I am still not taking lots of chances.) 

I now how some really awesome new surgical body art:

The stimulator is working well overall. I have noticed that when I am standing at my job, my back pain has gone down a lot and I can really control a majority of my nerve pain with the touch of a remote. Today in the middle of first grade music class, my foot started hurting. So robot Mrs. Lillie used her remote and felt better. The kids were fascinated and wanted to see my battery. I told them no, it was under my skin, and we have to wear pants at school, so they couldn't see it.

I have been taking about two pills a day... And one of those days it was only tylenol. There was a time when I was on 5 different prescriptions to allow me to function.

Great is Thy Faithfulness indeed, Lord.

Little known fact about me: I love Lord of the Rings. I would not consider myself a LOTR NERD, but I loved reading the books and every year at Thanksgiving, Bryson and I watch all three extended editions of the movies back to back. Tonight I was browsing through some of my old blog posts from the last almost three years. What a journey this has been. I feel like Frodo a bit. I was given a big journey to endure, with the weight of my task of living life growing heavier day by day. I have had some amazing Merrys and Pippins who have helped me carry this load. My Sam, also known as Bryson has tried to help me try to carry this load and at times carried me up the mountain when I couldn't Make it on my own. Gollum has been next to me in the whispers of doubt and fear. And Gandolf the White, my Lord and hope, has helped protect me. I have been to Mordor and back. And I really hope this was the last trip all the way to the fires of Mount "Major back surgery" Doom. At least for a few years.

There are so many things to be joyful for. Yet I still look at Frodo after he returned home. He still lived with pain and sorrow at the things he had lost. As I said in my last post, I do not know if I will be ever fully healed. I will probably live with pain for the rest of my life. I don't think I am going to hop a ship and go live with the elves now like Frodo did. I am hopeful I will keep learning to live a full life with my new robot status. The journey continues. And this new journey of claiming an electrical life, I am excited to continue.

I look back, and I can't say I am thankful for everything from the last years. It was a hard time. But I am blessed to have learned many things, to have loved many people, to have been loved by many. I am blessed by doctors who truly care and want to see me better. I am blessed by sharing pain experiences with new friends who I have grown to love dearly. And i have been amazingly blessed by a Lord who has walked through this journey and helped to make me new, and make me a beautiful thing out of dust. These experiences were not what I was looking for when we decided to move to an apartment that injured me. I just wanted a house that wasn't as costly to heat. But I have found love and healing. It is not what I was looking for, but I am blessed to have found it.

So now, I continue to walk this journey, taking what I have learned and showing love to others in ways I have been shown love. I look forward to journeying toward maybe being a mommy, toward riding my bike again and swimming, to continuing to buzz with electricity. I pray that you also may journey your path with hope and peace, wherever you may be

Roads go ever ever on,

Over rock and under tree,

By caves where never sun has shone,

By streams that never find the sea;

Over snow by winter sown,

And through the merry flowers of June,

Over grass and over stone,

And under mountains in the moon.

Roads go ever ever on,

Under cloud and under star.

Yet feet that wandering have gone

Turn at last to home afar.

Eyes that fire and sword have seen,

And horror in the halls of stone

Look at last on meadows green,

And trees and hills they long have known.

The Road goes ever on and on

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone,

And I must follow, if I can,

Pursuing it with eager feet,

Until it joins some larger way,

Where many paths and errands meet.

-J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings