Mourn

My last post was full of such hope.

Tonight, I am feeling mournful of my health.

There are going to be good days and bad days still. Days where the SCS makes me feel great. Days where the SCS almost does it and a little bit of meds makes it better. And days where the SCS and meds are used, and I still don't feel great.

I had someone tell me today, "oh, you will be healed! I know God will make it happen." This injury has really made it apparent to me that God's plan for everyone is not full physical healing. There may be healing in the acceptance of a disability. There may be healing in walking three miles... Even though one used to run 8 miles a day. There may be healing in showing love to others in their times of similar health issues. There may be healing in the mourning of health still not 100%. But I have learned to not tell people that I know they will get better.

So, there will be good times with my health. There will be mourning of my health. And there will be healing. It just might not look what I thought might one day a few years ago.