"when pain is to be born, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all.”
The other night I got to run around with my sweet 21 month old nephew. He is so much fun! We played with the closet door a hide and seek / peek-a-boo game, walked up and down the stairs, ran around the living room, climbed on rocks at Oskar Blues, played in the fountain... It was a hoot! But... I barely lasted an hour with it. Whew... That is a crazy busy boy! He is amazingly sweet and wonderful. But busy!
On the way home I asked Husband, "do you really think we can have kids? What if we get a busy kid like Sweet Nephew?" We talked a little more, and then I said, " Well, I guess we just need to trust that God won't give us more than we can handle."
Pastor Husband laughed a little and said, "yeah, I don't agree with that belief system at all." He didn't mean this to hurt me at all, but he did not realize this was going to send me into a spiral dashed hopes and dreams about being able to handle a pregnancy and care for a child when he said that. I cried a bit. Well... A lot.
But I reflected a lot more on that statement and other like it: God doesn't give us more than we can handle. God must think I am strong because he has given me so much. I told Pastor Husband, "But it is in the Bible!" Then I went to look it up.
I looked...
And looked...
Hmm... Where is it?
I ran across this passage:
The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. (1 Corinthians 10:13 NLT)
Tempted? Not quite the same as "what you can handle." This passage is actually related to idol worship. Not about trials in life. I think this is where the saying stems from though.
As I thought about it, God often DOES give us more than we can handle. People suffer horribly. I have been reading about and praying for a little 1 year old in Kansas City with cancer who is going through chemo. The doctors are placing poison in this little girl's body to try and beat out cancer. She is ONE YEARS OLD! That seems like a little more than a little girl can handle, and I cannot even imagine what her parents are going through. This is when "pop gospel" sounds really nice. "God won't give us more than we can handle." "God knows you are so strong, so he gives you these trials." But these sentiments also seem very shallow when you think about pain and sorrow and suffering that is in our world. I am coming around to seeing Pastor Husband's point of view... I guess the thousands of dollars in seminary education were not wasted.
So where is the hope in this situation? Where is the hope for this little girl? For people dealing with serious mental illness? For a young man who is in prison who is innocent, and being kept in on a technicality? For a 28 year old who at times struggles going up the stairs or getting up from a restaurant booth or getting out of a car, or wants to be a mom and is unsure whether her body will be able to handle a rowdy 2 year old... and knowing this will probably be a reality for the next 30... 40... 50... years of her life?
I don't believe that God has predetermined this path of suffering for me. But I hold closer to the view like Adam Hamilton presents in his book, Why. He suggests that God's will is more like a novel that God has outlined for us, but we collaborate with God by how our choices are made in life. So Here is the hope. I trust that God's love wins and will prevail. I choose to walk this path of suffering with God. I choose to let God work through me and my pain. This is the path I have been presented with, so how will I collaborate with God and follow the path to live most deeply into His love and His grace, even in the midst of pain? God's love and grace will not leave me alone.
Motherhood may not be easy for me. If we do decide to try to have kids, It may be very painful to carry and care for a child. There are many more things that will come along in the next 20, 30, 40 years that will be hard for me to physically endure,i am sure.Yet, Psalm 55:22 is comforting.
"Cast your burden on The Lord and He will sustain you."
Sustain. Not fix everything... But the promise there is that He will sustain me. I trust that God will not give me more than His love can sustain me through. I trust that nothing can separate me from His love. I trust that through it all, I can still live fully into God's love and grace. I trust that God's love wins.
And I am thankful too that I can hand off Sweet Nephew to mama and daddy right now. :)
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