buck up!!!

A couple days ago I wrote a blog about how I was feeling little feelings of hope creeping in after having a doctor's appointment. The next day, I was feeling very down and glum. But not just that... doubtful... about my pain tolerance. Sometimes, thoughts go through my head of "You are just being a wimp" and "You don't really need another surgery. Just be tough!" and "Gosh, you are being so dramatic. Just deal with it and keep going." Those days are HARD. After being in pain for 2 years, your mind plays tricks on you. "Well, I can walk, so maybe it's okay that I just can't bend over. Just deal with it." Then, I will see someone biking on the road, and long for being able to bike again. It isn't really normal at 27 to grit your teeth in a meeting while nerve pain shoots down your leg. It isn't really normal that your leg feels like it might give out every time you walk up the stairs. 

Last night, we went to a lecture at church by a woman who practices iconography art as a form of prayer and worship. It was an interesting time learning about her art. She told about different symbols of iconography. I had had my "doubt day" this day. So I was sitting through some interesting nerve pain down my leg. I was kind of interested, but it wasn't resonating a ton with me. Then the woman speaking put up one of her icons, and it was Jesus with the Bent Over Woman (Luke 13:10-17). In the story, the woman had been "bent over" for 18 years! When Jesus sees her, He immediately heals her. The woman speaking last night had painted an icon of this story. Behind the woman in the picture was a picture of a building, which in iconography represents the foundation of the world. The way this had been painted, the woman had been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Yet behind Jesus, there was a tree. The tree in iconography represents new life. What the woman who was speaking pointed out was that in her painting, Jesus gets down on eye level with the woman. He bends over himself to look in her eyes and offer her this new life, where she is free from her illness. Let's just say it was all I could do to not burst into tears at this point. (Unfortunately, this picture is not on the website, but maybe a different icon might touch you too.)

I really think that it is okay to keep hope for full healing. The woman in the story hoped enough to go seek out Christ. New life and new beginnings are available every day. I am super thankful that Jesus does bend over and meet us in our pain and bring us through it.