Oh, how I long to be free from the meds. When I skip a dose, because "Oh, today I am feeling pretty okay", it is just awful by the end of the day. I told Bryson tonight, "I HATE being dependent on meds!" We're still seeking guidance for what to do next. Hoping to have an idea about what to do by next week.
This week I went to a lecture on the "Theology of the Hymnal." Did you know that in every publication of the United Methodist Hymnal, the first hymn has always been Oh For a Thousand Tongues to Sing. I have had a friend this summer who has had such a hard time with her new baby girl, who has not yet left the NICU after about 6 weeks. As I post on her wall my prayers for her, I have recently been ending them with the phrase "We pray this in the name of Jesus, who charms our fears, and bids our sorrows cease." This is from the hymn O For a Thousand Tongues to Sing. At this lecture the other night, we sang through this hymn and this line. I wanted to burst into tears after singing this line, but I didn't think it was appropriate for the new associate pastor's wife to show that much emotion. So I quietly wiped my couple tears away, as I reveled in that line. Jesus. The name that charms our fears. With His strength, He takes our fears away. Jesus. Who bids our sorrows cease. This is not the sorrow that He wants me to be living in. What a beautiful line.
Sadly, right now my reality is living life very uncomfortably, in lots of pain, very hazy, or a combination of these three. But I am thankful for my Jesus, who charms my fears, and bids my sorrows cease.
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